My Ejaculate Smells Like Jesus

Remember, if you have sex your penis will fall off, and your vagina will close up. Unless it's with me... ooh right babeh. ;)

Here are some other rules of the world as we know it:
- If you smoke then surely you do joke
- If you drink to excess then you do not think to excess
- If you dye your hair multiple colours, dreadlock it and wear stupid trousers, everyone will hate you. Even Tommy Lawson, the nicest man ever to live. Even nicer than Jesus.
- If you are a cunt, then you are a cunt.
- When someone calls you a cunt, they are actually saying "I would like to put my erect genetals inside your vaginal passage."
- Never try to have intercourse with a musical instrument. Especially not a drum kit. Because everyone will hear you.
- Upon attempting a maths question you must first find the nearest room full of complete strangers and yell the word "EQUATIONS!" upon entering. You will then get an A. For "abject retard".
- And finally, too much cat can mess with your head. No one wants to end up like Elouise. Seriously.

Just farted and sneezed at the same time and nearly did a poo. Isn't life wonderful? No. Just kidding, it is unless you are "The Sparkly One". I will let you figure that gem out for yourself. A clue is that they look like MC Hammer on crack... ;)